for shame!

I felt a firm tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I was immediately drawn to his eyes. A vibrant, infectious gleam of light stared straight into my soul. I looked away. I was uncomfortable. He was holding something in his weathered hands. He wanted to tell me the story. Except I was not present in the moment. My thoughts forthwith became judgemental and haughty. My body shifted back and forth in an uneasy swaying motion. I reached for the hand of my friend to stay beside me but the hand was not there. She was gone to collect her children from the church nursery. He moved closer to me - well beyond the line of personal space. His body stench was making me choke, but we had to be in close proximity in order to hear one another above the chatter in the church foyer.

I first met this disheveled, middle-aged man a few months ago at a worship team practice. He was to be joining our band as one of the electric guitar players. It was clear he was a tad bit eccentric, but was friendly enough. He had been quite encouraging to me one Sunday when I sang my first solo with the choir. It was also becoming clear he had a wee bit of a crush on me. Thus, the reason for my reaction in that church foyer. Or was it the reason. At that moment, I had to truthfully search the intentions at my core. I didn't like what I stumbled upon.

The dissident people of this world have always somehow been drawn to me and for some reason I always tried to deflect any lingering contact. Strange- hypocritical really- considering I was striving to be like Jesus. I was given some wise counsel by a friend/teacher back in 1988, whom I met at Holsbybrunn Bible School in Sweden, that made a huge impact on my ensuing outlook of these "misfits of society,"

"...Karyne, I am happy to hear that you're involved in different kids and youth "things" at your church. If you are interested and give the kids of your time you're doing something real important. They need somebody who is willing to listen and take them seriously.I say this because I believe that all personal contacts are our main responsibility and our best opportunities to share our genuine faith. It's not so much the elaborate methods and neat programs that attract people to God. It's real people in real relationships! And by the way...

I think I can tell you why you seem to attract "weirdos" to yourself. Those are people who don't fit and aren't accepted. They don't measure up simply. And when they feel that you don't look at them that way, they can't do anything else than try to develop that little friendship that is so vitally important.

Don't misunderstand me when I tell you this and don't feel that all this puts even more pressure on you. You don't have to do anything. But what you decide to do, do it honestly and in a free way.

These people can notice right away whether you care about them at all. And since they don't get respect as human beings from everybody, just a few actually, they simply can't resist the warm personality that you radiate. So these people are weird, clumsy in their expression of emotions, different, maybe even dangerous at times, but so what?

The reason why I make this such a big deal, is that I am utterly convinced that we as Christians find God available in the little ones of this world. We know that Christ shows something unique about the One and True God. God is on the side of the weak and oppressed. We meet God in these people, because He has identified Himself with the lowest of human misery. That's my starting point for my belief in God. So Karyne, God bless you in these contacts. I believe you're going the right direction if these people are attracted to you! Then you radiate true love. I don't write all these things to flatter you. Take it as a real encouragement though. I believe in you!

Your friend in the promised land, Jorgen Skold."
( I didn't realize just how wise those words were back in 1988! As I pen them here I am in awe. This letter was written when I was in university for nursing- before I entered full time youth ministry. Oh how I have learned exactly what he knew- the hard way at times! He was so young to be so wise. Unfortunately, I have lost contact with Jorgen. I hope our paths cross again one day!)

Over the years, I learned to embrace my fears and reach out. Or so I thought. I am now face to face with someone in my church community who, without realizing it, is challenging my belief system once again. He just wants to tell his story to someone who will actively listen. Without me knowing at that moment, he also wanted someone to pray for him. I knew I had to give this man my full attention. I knew I had to squelch my awkwardness and say to myself, "so what if he has a crush on me, listen to his story, learn from him, what is God trying to say to you through him.

The item being clasped by his weathered hand was a solid-pine, electric guitar "sound box," minus the neck. His brother handmade it for him for Christmas. It was beautiful. His face glowed as he recounted the history of how this guitar came to be and how it was to be completed. He wanted me to touch it. I hesitantly obliged. Carefully I felt the curves, felt the smoothness of the wood, felt the painstaking hours it took the craftsman to create. Now, I was ready to end this conversation as I was hungry and wanted to go home for lunch. Politely I excused myself but not before he asked me for a favour.

As he spoke, that gleam radiated to my soul once again. He wondered if I would pray for him that afternoon. He had invited some homeless people- those who live outside- over to his house for a post Christmas dinner. ( honestly, this man looked homeless himself.) He wanted to share Jesus with them - would I pray. Of course! I reassured him I would, said goodbye, then quickly headed out to my car.

As I drove away into the blazing sun, I couldn't get the vision of his elated countenance out of my head. Shame on me for being uncomfortable. Shame on me for caring recklessly. How impudent of I. For shame. I prayed PASSIONATELY for him and his Christmas dinner that afternoon. God in His graciousness and mercy gently restored that right spirit within me. I hope I can continue to radiate true love - God's love to the "little ones of this world." Living out our worship. (As of yet, I have not been able to connect with him to get an update on how the dinner went. When I do, I will post it here!)

Today, I was reading in Amos and Isaiah and the following words in Isaiah jumped out at me. They speak for themselves. It is God's word after all!

"...This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am."
...If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate
make the community livable again."
( sections of Isaiah 58, The Message)