Sunday 2 December 2007

"still life" art class gone bad



Imagine my horror when I walked into my “still life” art class and saw a 70 year old naked lady, blessed with flaccid, triple E -sized breasts and long, flowing, straggly, gray hair, standing on a raised platform in the middle of the room.

A small group of budding artists had already assembled their easels eager to start. Still confused as I was instructed to walk over to the cupboard and take out an easel, I decided I better find the teacher and make sure I was in the right class. Sure enough my name was at the bottom of the class list marked, “paid in full.” My teacher looked up at me, smiled and said, “welcome to the life drawing class.” “Life drawing,” I inquired, “not still life?” At that moment I knew I was in for an experience like no other!

Eventually, I was able to look past the naked model called Ellen and focus on honing my drawing skills. This was the first drawing class I had ever taken, so my teacher was patient with me and offered some excellent pointers. One of which was extremely helpful: “draw what you see not what you think you see.” I found my fellow artists, especially the Orlando Bloom look-a-like, supportive and encouraging. I was thoroughly enjoying the class until..... week three.

Model Ellen was gone and replaced by model David, not to be confused with Michaelangelo’s David. He horrified me more than model Ellen. It was model David’s first gig as a life drawing model, so he was nervous. I guess I should have been less critical of him. In preparation, he had greased his entire toned, naked body and made certain his muscles were armed and dangerous. He carried a whip in his hands. I guess he thought he was modeling for a Hugh Hefner spread, not the life drawing class at the R.S. McLaughlin Art Gallery. Since I was able to look past model Ellen’s nakedness I figured it would be the same for model David. Why was the front of him always pointing in my direction – no pun intended? Unfortunately, I never got used to model David. Maybe, if he didn’t try to hit on me after each class. The Orlando Bloom look-a-like artist rescued me one evening from model David’s advances. Grateful I pondered, “why can’t he be our model?”

In spite of everything, I was proud of the work I accomplished and resolved to definitely sign up for another “still life” art class in the future.




Model Ellen and Model David

85 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay...you kill me. That was entertaining...

I've always said reading the info brochure is highly overrated.

Ken

swilek said...

exactly!!!:)

trash said...

I'm guessing you never thought while drawing her that you would reeeeally want to keep naked old lady model Ellen!

Buttons and Dots Photography said...

I give you credit, i would never have been able to stay and paint! Was he at least good looking? Or was it too hard to tell with all of his glory in your face?

ugagirl30 said...

Oh, my. I don't think I could ever do that. And I certainly couldn't be the model. I could never get comfortable with nakedness.

Heather said...

Wow, I don't think I would've been able to keep from massive giggling fits long enough to focus on trying to draw anything! I also think I probably would've been very, very red in the face the entire time.

This post made me giggle, but I think that's okay, hee hee!

Cheers and congrats on being the SITS blogger o' the day!

Lori said...

I never really thought about it from the model's point of view. How do they wind up with a gig like that, I wonder?

Claremont First Ward said...

No!!!!!!! I would have died. Died. But then again, I'm shy that way. And I can't draw. Your renderings are lovely.

Jill said...

Here from SITS! What a great story! I'm Lovin it!

Kathi Roach said...

Model David would have put me over the edge. Great story....and your drawings are really good for the first time.

Creative Junkie said...

LOL! I came over from SITS. You're a better person than I - I don't think I could have stayed. I definitely could not have drawn. And I don't think I could distinguish between what I see and what I think I see.

stefanie said...

Here from SITS, congratulations! This was so funny! I took a photography class a couple of years ago where one of the assignments was a class choice. A section that met earlier in the day had voted to do nude self portraits. Mine did not. Oh how I love abstract.

-Bridget said...

I don't know what I'd do if I had gone from expecting to draw an apple to having to draw a twig and berries. You've got more guts than me. I probably would have cut my losses and gone to Michael's go buy a paint by number of a boat instead.

Michelle said...

Congrats on your feature.

I think you just convinced me that I'm totally ok with my horrible artistic skills. Or lack thereof.

Lula! said...

See, I'm all juvenile and stuff...I would've been completely nonplussed by Ellen, but Mr. Chippendales? Fits of giggle would out me as the childish one on the class. Sigh...

Jen said...

Great drawing but like everyone else, I don't know if I could have gotten over the shock. There might have been some giggling too.

Megan said...

YIKES! That would have been a bit shocking. I don't think I could have kept a straight face - I would have had wide eyes, shifting back and forth, back and forth, not quite sure what to do next. Nice drawings by the way!

Caroline said...

Yeah, my straight and serious face would have gone after I first stepped into the room. This past Sunday in church, my friend told me that her mother-in-law once told her that she had an "east" infection. My friend's husband asked if she would cure that by going to the west side? We started giggling and then couldn't stop. And I should mention that we were standing in the choir loft where everyone could see us! I always laugh more when its not appropriate.

Sherri said...

OH Dear!!!!!

Party of 5 said...

Now "that's" a mistype. *giggles*

Happy SITS Day!

Unknown said...

I'm with Lula... I would have given Naked-Oily-Man a complex with my never ending giggles.

Brooke said...

OMG. That's fantastic. I think I would have had a Bevis and Butthead moment and just giggle the entire class.

P.S. You are my first SITS experience so thanks for making me laugh.

EmBee said...

Saved by an Orlando Bloom look alike? Well that's worth the price of the class right there!
:-)

Melanie Dickens said...

I think I would've been okay with the woman but once the guy hit on me once I would have been done. You are a brave soul.

Anonymous said...

Happy SITS Day!

What a crack up! And I give you props for sticking it out! By the way, for some reason when you were describing Ellen, all I could picture was the scary old naked lady from The Shining! AHHHH!

Jennifer P. said...

I don't think I could have stopped laughing long enough to draw anything. Is it normal to not stop laughing at naked people :)?!

Glad you took something from it---and your sketches actually turned out very tasteful!

Karen said...

That is cool. I use to draw all the time- before kids. I need to take a "still life" class.

Gina said...

whew!!!
I've toyed with taking drawing classes at a "real" school before... but the life drawing always sort of scares me. I am an artist, but never formally completed any training- started to, but then got married... and have never returned except for classes here and there.
You've inspired me to take another class!! (but I may still pass on the life drawing- I'll stick with STILL life!!! hahaha!!).
I guess I think- why can't they wear speedos?!?! Do we HAVE to draw private parts?!?! is that the only way to hone the skills??? I mean, the intricacies of a flower is pretty involved- and you don't turn beet red looking at it!!!!!
;-)
Good luck and have fun!

Crazy Momma said...

Oh. My. God! This was too funny for words!

Anonymous said...

That was quite an experience.

Alison said...

I can't believe he hit on you! That would have been it for me. Actually, I would have quit once I realized I'd have to be drawing naked people.

Unknown said...

LMAO ummm ewwww to the hitting on you. Good drawings but like others before me I'm the immature giggler and I don't know that I could have gotten past that with his thing pointed at me the whole time.

Tiff said...

LOL!
There is no way I would be able to keep a straight face and concentrate! Props to you!

Kelly said...

I don't think I would be mature enough to take a still life class...plus the fact I have no artist ability!
Congrats on your SITS day!!

Tracy P. said...

Deja vu!!! My college roommate sent me to pick up her ceramics project one day. I walked in, oblivious to the room full of people silently and diligently working on their project. The instructor seemed sort of hesitant as she sent me across the room for said project. I glanced up and there he was. Nothing left to my oh so innocent imagination. A horrified nano second of my life I'd forgotten until now, witnessed by something like a thousand strangers! OK, maybe twenty.

CindyDianne said...

Oh lordy bagordy. I don't think I could have drawn anything. At all. I'd probably still be there though now, staring at the blank space where the models were.

EmmaP said...

2 cheers for Model Ellen. I cannot even stand to look at myself naked, why would I subject other people to that. Then again -- how much do they pay???

sassy stephanie said...

I like the "model called Ellen". Don't know if I could have done that!

Blog said...

Oh boy. Not sure I would have gotten anything on the paper! LOL!~

Mary said...

Ha!What a boring post that would have been if it had been a still life class??!

Ronnica said...

Wow, I don't think I could have handled that!

Nik said...

LOL!! you handled yourself very well I would say....I'm not sure I could have done it.

Great blog btw!

Maddness of Me said...

oh - not so still life

Simply Stork said...

I've always wanted to take a drawing class...and I have always wondered what I would do if I got into a class like that one...only your description of it was much better than anything I could have dreamed up in my head...LOL

thanks for the giggles

~simply~

The Peacock Pearl said...

yeah, i think i could handle drawing a girl... nothing unfamiliar (except for maybe the big boobs)...but having to study a guy's "front" is just not very appealing!

Laura said...

I would never have survived!

Ashley said...

oh my! i think i would have been blushing the whole time!

Threeundertwo said...

I wonder if guys have the opposite problem - ok with a guy model but embarrassed by a woman?

Adiel | Rose Gold Lining said...

Funnily enough, this post has mad me want to take an art class, probably a pottery class though...

Anonymous said...

CREEPY. The final exam in my first (and last) drawing class in college was a nude self portrait. What a perv that teacher was! YUCK>

j said...

You brave girl. I just wouldn't have made it through the class though. I am just too uptight about...visuals.

Funny story!

Jen

Karol said...

holy heart attack. how gross was he to hit on you after!?

(congrats on the SITS feature!)

katylinvw said...

oh. my. word. i think i would have been the color of a cranberry throughout the entire process! it is kind of creepy that he hit on you! yikes!

congratulations on your SITS day! enjoy!

♥ Becky ♥ said...

Holy Cow, I'm pretty sure that I would be mortified!!! Seriously, I probably would have been the one person with the giggles and would have been asked to leave the room that day. :-)
Congrats on the SITS feature of the day.

Jess NBP said...

Those are wonderful Karyne. Although I'd be laughing my ass off trying not to look at model Davids third leg while drawing him.

My Hubby is an artist but doesn't do anything like that, he's more of a cartoonist artist.

Mama Dawg said...

I swear it's naked men day. I just put up a post on my blog about naked men.

Loved this. Came via SITS.

Unknown said...

He had a whip? That is too much. Good thing Orlando was there to save you SITSa!

Anonymous said...

i could never do it!

Peggy said...

Well, you have to admire a woman of 70 who is confident enough to stand there in the raw. I'd be wishing I had 4 sets of hands!

mrsmouthy said...

When I'm old, I'm totally going to get my kicks by stripping down in front of youthful, aspiring artists. I bet she giggled the whole way home!

Summer said...

Ha! I had trouble with the drawing assignment of a naked statue! And not because it was hard to draw. Because I felt so silly showing my work. "And here- what do you think of my crack shading? It took me a few tries..."

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

This is funny. Glad you shared this as your featured post. I can't imagine "drawing what I see" if I am looking at that. ha ha ha. Congrats on being SAUCY!

Anonymous said...

Oh that's just awful. I think I might have died. Seriously.

Dana said...

Great story! What a shocker that must've been walking in that first time! LOL

Angie's Spot said...

Oh my, that's too much! I would've left the room as soon as I laid eyes on Ellen. Congrats on your SITS day!

thotlady said...

Congratulations on being today's featured blogger.

I would love to take a drawing class with models. I love to draw, but have never taken a class.

It is on my list. Great story.

Casey's trio said...

Happy SITs day! I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted in that situation...sounds like you handled it with grace!

Laural Out Loud said...

My sister used to pose nude for art classes, and thought nothing of it. But she never brought a whip, lol. I don't know how she did it.

Stephanie said...

The only drawing class I ever took was in the ninth grade. So needless to say, no nude models! But it was fun anyway. ;-)

Jenkins said...

I am a thirty something year old. Nudity still makes my face turn red and bring out the giggles. It happens just reading about your experience. I am slow to mature...

Laurel said...

Oh honey that is funny. Brave gal though to march on in spite of the shock of bizarro naked models!

lynn said...

Oh my! I don't think I would have made it through that class! Good for you for sticking with it.
Happy SITS day!

Melissa Lester said...

I am amused picturing myself going to such a class, trying to look all sophisticated and artistic, then drawing stick figures!

Creepy that the model talked to you!

Tami said...

OMGosh! You are much braver than I...I would have walked right out of that class :)

Don't you love oily men????? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Someone should let these guys know that its NOT ATTRACTIVE!!

Wep said...

OMG I remember my first life drawing class. That was certainly an experience.

Belle (from Life of a...) said...

That is HILARIOUS! Congrats on your SITS day, by the way.

I would have RUN out of that room.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious!

I am SOOO jealous though......I want an Orlando Bloom Lookalike somewhere near me.......

Congrats on being featured today!

kelly said...

what a crack up! i would have died, probably of laughter, but i definitely would have died.

Cecily R said...

I am laughing like crazy, but Holy CRUMBS I think I would have melted right into the floor. And there is no WAY I could have pulled off the drawings that you did. No way.

WheresMyAngels said...

I had a friend whom got into trouble in Art School because they always had the same naked model so she got tired of the same naked model and did very horrid things to the pictures she drew! lol

Unknown said...

Well ... it is life :-) And life is not always Orlando Bloom :-)

Congratulations on being SITS Queen for the day...

Anonymous said...

What an adventure!

Judy Schwartz Haley | CoffeeJitters.Net said...

my husband took several life drawing classes in college so he was always coming home with pictures he drew. I would tease him about pinning them to the fridge. that wasn't very nice of me, I know, but his models were much prettier than yours.

Christine said...

Oh boy. I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so I think your drawings are great.

Rhea said...

What a shocker to end up in that class not expecting what you found! I'm impressed though, you did well! I can only draw stick figures.