is it really the end of summer? back to work already?

Saturday August 21, 2010 Tommy Hilfiger, Outlet Mall, Niagara Falls, ON

I am grateful for my job and grateful for the holidays we receive. I must confess, and this may sound strange, it is hard to go back to work (September 7th, my birthday!) after having the summer off. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I wish I could retire VERY early! Since that isn't an option, I am anticipating the arrival of my cousins from Northern Ireland tomorrow. It will be a great way to end my fantabulous summer! Cheerio for now!

Eat, Pray, Love, Eat, Eat...

December 1986-on the steps of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy. I am thoroughly enjoying my fresh Italian bread, cheese and wine!

Last night I had a love affair....with my wood-fired, "Opa" pizza sitting on the patio of my favourite restaurant! It was a perfect evening. Live music filled the cool night air, a welcome relief from the intense humidity we have experienced all summer. You probably can guess I had just seen the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love." (Shh Carol and Carolyn! I know the DAMN Altos are going to see this movie in September but my friend asked me to go as a pre-birthday celebration! I will gladly see it again!) After the movie, my friend and I were inspired to relax, enjoy our glass of chardonnay and eat our pizza with our hands! (What risk takers we were! My friend and I are both "eat-pizza-with-a-knife-and-fork-kind-of-girls!") No reservations! Dig in, savouring the rich flavours of this gastronomic indulgence!

Both my friend and I re-lived our adventures in Italy and France remembering how much we loved their culture. Even though the French and Italians lead busy lives like ourselves in North America, there is something special about their ability to enjoy a balanced life. They take the time to relax, enjoy the company of their friends and family while also taking the time to savour the food spread around their table. No need to rush. No need to hurry. At the end of the day, they get their work done. At the end of the day, they make their guests, and even strangers, feel loved. I could get used to their way of life!

So, last night I had a love affair! And it was good.

be careful what you wish for

My Christmas wish sort of came true today. My parents and I received an email 3 weeks ago from my brother which stated, "Time has a way of soothing. I would like to connect and move forward if you are willing..."

You can imagine our excitement. My brother was "coming home." Over the years I prayed for reconciliation but truthfully, most of my prayers were prayed flippantly and with cynicism. My brother can be a stubborn sort!

We met my brother for coffee today. It didn't go well at all. **sigh** I'm very disappointed. Clearly my brother is not ready to move forward. There are still unwritten expectations that need to be dismantled, on both sides truthfully. However, it was next to impossible to share our perspectives because my brother would interrupt and shut the conversation down. It was so frustrating. I must say I was proud of my parents. They did handle themselves well. I was a wee bit worried! There were a few things they would have been best not to mention, but that is their way and their generation! One thing I observed- their love for their son. It was free flowing, unconditional. But, my brother was blinded by defensiveness to see it. **sigh** It was heartbreaking things didn't turn out the way we hoped.

My dad ended up having a reaction to all the stress later in the afternoon. He began to shake uncontrollably, was feverish and sick to his stomach. He was very disappointed too. I'm not sure why my brother wanted to meet us if he wasn't ready to move on. But, I am continuing to trust God in this matter. He has started to soften my brother's heart, soften my parent's hearts, soften my heart and has started the healing process in our family. I don't understand. It is painful to see the hurt in my parents' eyes. But, I have to continue to trust the One who heals broken lives.

I hate this dissension in my family. Life isn't suppose to turn out this way! There are no guarantees are there when you raise your children? Parents do the best they can. My parents raised us well. Sure, they weren't perfect but who is. We were loved, cared for and given all we could ever dream or imagine. I am grateful for my upbringing. I find it strange that siblings can grow up in the same environment yet have totally different perspectives on how they were raised.

*sigh* One day we will have the best homecoming ever! I have to believe that.

let it go

My head clearly sees the solution needed to heal my torn heart.

presume:
verb
to take for granted, assume, or suppose

presumption:
noun
the act of presuming

Friendships can be difficult to navigate but worth the effort of staying on course. I didn't expect, as I have travelled on my life journey, I would still have to carefully negotiate amicably my alliances. What I'm learning is I have placed, subconsciously, certain expectations on some of my close friendships. These unwritten presumptions have caused unnecessary hurt, anger and frustration. Although to be fair to myself, these expectations are valid. But, I need to protect my heart. Thus, I need to let it all go. I need to let go of these presumptions clouding my mind in order to save myself from more ensuing heartache. Self-protection is a good mechanism. With the continual release of these expectations, I will be free to enjoy the friendships that have hurt my soul. They are worth saving. Breathe. Let it go. Absolve.

summertime dilemma...

...poolside at "kiddie" therapy pool where we have access to our "cabana boy" bringing us strawberry daiquiris?

Or...poolside at "adult-sized" pool surrounded by peace, quiet and gorgeous country scenery with no access to a "cabana boy?"

Dilemma solved. I did enjoy the "kiddie" therapy pool with my friend John! However, both options have been heavenly this summer. We have been having hot, humid sunny days. I am having a relaxing summer during my "staycasion," doing an odd assortment of activities close to home. I don't want to think about going back to work in one month! My cousins from Northern Ireland arrive on the 26th for a few weeks, which I am greatly anticipating. My mind is in such a relaxed mode I haven't been blogging much. But, I have a few stories brewing. I trust you are enjoying your summer wherever you are! Peace out!