where will you be at the end of your life?

My last words to her were, "don't give up, you still have a lot of life left in you to live." Obviously, this feisty, 92-year old family friend did not agree with me because she died two days later! I haven't really had time to process her death yet. I am sad because, in my opinion, it was a broken heart that killed her not the heart attack she had two days earlier.

During my visit with her on that sunny Sunday afternoon we had a nice chat. She seemed upbeat and well on her way to recovery. She spoke of hoping to go home in a few days but also told me she didn't want any surgery to repair the damage. She was a stubborn woman who quietly said to me she was tired of living this life and was ready to go.

Her deep sadness and mental exhaustion over her only child's behaviour as an alcoholic was too much for her to bare anymore. Watching this strong, smart, Austrian woman who overcame tremendous odds in her lifetime, give up made my heart ache. My family has been involved in helping this woman try to help her daughter over the years but to no avail. The daughter is a disaster. I am not being disrespectful but realistic because this daughter does not want to get help for her alcoholism. And there is nothing we can do for this 50-year old daughter until SHE wants to get well. She has caused so much pain for our 92-year old friend, especially in the last month. Witnessing their toxic relationship confirmed to me that I must never allow bitterness towards my family members or friends to fester and take hold because it will destroy my soul. I don't want to be at the end of my life, like our friend, and feel such sadness and deep hurt because I never made amends with those I maybe needed to over the course of my life. At the end of my life when I take my final breath, I want to be surrounded by those I love in a peaceful, fun, loving atmosphere. Not alone and feeling desolate, like our friend.

As I left the hospital that afternoon, I thought I would see her again so we could finish the game of Scrabble I promised to play! Well, I technically did see her on the following Tuesday but I knew she was about to take her last breath. I stood at her bedside and called her name. She opened one eye slightly and looked over at me then turned away and fell back asleep. The nurse subtly encouraged me to leave and speak to the family. Her daughter wasn't even there. Apparently the daughter was at the funeral home finalizing the arrangements. But her mom wasn't dead yet. In fact, the daughter wasn't even there when her mom took her last breath 2 hours after my brief visit. Our friend was all alone. To my knowledge, I don't even think she had faith in God to cling to. (She was a stubborn but smart atheist)! That makes me sorrowful on many levels.

Goodbye my sweet Juliane. I can only hope you are in a better place where your mourning has turned to joy!

As I contemplate this unfortunate death, I pray I will continue to allow love and not hate, bitterness or unforgiveness, to ooze out of me for the duration of my life. I pray people will see the true love of Jesus reflected in me! Contentment Peace = A Healthy Heart!

How will you live out your life?