Summer Lesson

Every year this time I always exclaim, "I can't believe summer is over already!" And every year this time I am amazed at how fast my summer holidays fly by! Come Tuesday I am back to work for another school year, so it is time for me to take a breath and reflect on my summer before the crazy adventure starts! 

I am blessed to have such a long holiday and thoroughly enjoyed my time this summer. I did some camping, explored these incredible grotto caves that look like they belong in the Caribbean ocean. (I never knew these existed so close to where I live)! Visited with family, friends. Celebrated my dad's 80th birthday. Went to concerts, basketball games.  Shopped. Enjoyed the mornings on the balcony. Volunteered. Had to deal with a young man who hit my new car! Cried and laughed with my best friend allowing our friendship to go deeper. While on the other hand lost a dear friend who decided she wanted out of our 40 year friendship, which is still shocking to me because I didn't do anything wrong (I did swallow my pride and apologize with no strings attached)! It is a horrible place to be when someone does not forgive you but I have made peace and feel released. I know in my heart I wasn't at fault and have my arms open if she chooses to come back. 

I also had the opportunity to visit another church and it was at that service where I learned my biggest lesson this summer. I actually wept during the sermon, which was a bit embarrassing but I thought this is reality so let it flow! I'm not sure exactly why I reacted this way but loved the minister. She, yes it was a female minister, was wonderful and spoke so eloquently and was theologically sound! She spoke about when Jesus was visiting Mary and Martha's home (Luke 10). I was reminded that I need to sit at Jesus's feet and just be. Just listen. Sit still and listen to what God is calling me to do for this day. 

So every morning, I have been reading through the Psalms, and my "Echoes of Eternity" devotional book and asking, "GOD, WHAT ARE YOU CALLING ME TO DO TODAY?"

It has been amazing to me that so many times throughout the day, this question comes into my mind. It puts me back on track and allows me to focus on what is important at that moment. 

So as I enjoy the final days of summer and am ready to start the new school year and embark on a new adventure (I am starting my own part time business in direct sales....a nail wrap company coming to Canada called Jamberry Nails...stay tuned for more info), I will try my best to remain focused on listening to God and asking daily, "What are you calling me to do today God?"  

"Examine me God, from head to foot, order your battery of tests. Make sure I'm fit inside and out so I never lose sight of your love, but keep in step with you never missing a beat." (Psalm 26:2,3 The Message)

Healing from my sweet snow angel

"NC," my sweet snow angel, February 2013

I don't know why but the faith of a child is infectious!  I love how God used the innocent, matter-of- fact, faith of a precious four year old girl to teach me new significance about my faith.  This brown-eyed, humourous, young child with the best hairstyles, gently took my hand and led me down a path where my faith was free again. Restored.

     This sweet child has a wisdom about her that is beyond her years yet still maintains that innocent four year old flare. One day NC approached me and said matter-of-factly, "Miss W, my aunt, who is my dad's sister is black, my dad is black and I am black." I resisted the urge to use sarcasm in responding back to her and just smiled and said, "Really? Wonderful!" Later on that afternoon, she made another comment about being black so I immediately worried she was self conscious of her skin colour. I kindly spoke, " NC, God made us all different for a reason. He made you black and He made me white." Immediately she jumped into the conversation replying confidently, "No Miss W, God made you pink!"  I had to turn away and laugh! Indeed I am pink toned thanks to my Northern Irish roots! Wait until NC sees me in the summer. I am VERY berry pink!
    I quickly learned NC (remember she is a four year old) was a prayer warrior. And it was in her moments of random prayer throughout the year when God tenderly spoke to my heart: My child, you need that boldness and confidence in your prayers again. Don't be afraid, whatever the outcome. Pray expecting I will grant you the desires of your heart my child. And don't forget to pray, "In Jesus' name!"  One day a friend of mine received bad news--her husband was in a terrible work accident.  Under my breath I said, "I need to pray she makes it to the hospital safely." NC thought I was talking to her so she bowed her head and clasped her hands together right there and began to pray for this friend of mine and her husband. I declared, "Amen."  NC piped up and announced, "No Miss W, it is "in Jesus' name" Amen! She then bowed her head again and finished, "In Jesus name, A-MEN!"
     But what really rehabilitated my faith  was a seemingly "random" comment made by NC on a cold, blustery day. On this particular winter day I was actually very sad and feeling sorry for myself because I was not married nor had a family. (The usual hormonal feelings surfacing)! Part of the sadness was a fear I was experiencing that I would be left alone with no help when my parents die. I never vocalized these thoughts to anyone that day.  Anyway, "out of the blue," NC came over to me and whispered in my ear, "Miss W, don't worry God will make people for you so you won't be alone!" Then she toddled off and was gone!

Immediately I began to weep because I clearly knew this moment was a God-moment.  This moment was for me. God was reminding me that He is here, He is listening to me and He will never leave me alone. He WILL provide (and HAS provided) beautiful people along my journey who will care (and who have cared) for me so I won't be alone.  This moment also reminded me to come alongside and care for people in my life right now who appear to be alone so they won't be scared.

This precious angel, my snow angel, has a relationship with God that is so pure and special. She was in tune with God at that moment just when I needed a different perspective. I confidently believe God placed this precious child in my life for a reason. I am eternally grateful. I will pray for NC as she grows and matures into a young woman.  Praying she will continue, in love, to boldly speak truth into people's lives.

 I will never forget my beloved angel God sent to watch over me this year!

20-24 

"God made my life complete

when I placed all the pieces before him.

When I got my act together,

    he gave me a fresh start.

Now I’m alert to God’s ways;

    I don’t take God for granted.

Every day I review the ways he works;

    I try not to miss a trick.

I feel put back together,

    and I’m watching my step.

God rewrote the text of my life

    when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."

(Psalm 18: 20-24, The Message)

Light in the Shadows

I'm experiencing a minor crisis of faith at the minute. I'm not sure what is wrong. It could be this season of life or it could be the meds ( I have been sick for about a month thanks to the germs I ingest everyday at work from our wee kindergarten students)! Whatever is going on in my soul I am just plain tired. I do believe that at the core of my being, God is truth. However, I think I am just tired.  Tired of church. Tired of trying to sort through all my questions I have for God in the midst of so many horrible tragedies taking place in our world and in my own life. I am a person who likes to discuss the meaning of life and spiritual matters face to face with people who also like to discuss these things without judgement and with an open mind. But that circle of examination has dissipated and thus I have bottled up all my petitions inside and am now experiencing a bit of a crisis of faith! It feels good to sort through my thoughts in this forum even though it may not make sense to those reading this post! Part of me is angry at God -angry that He has not granted me the desires of my heart in spite of my faithful obedience. Angry that He doesn't seem to be listening to my prayers, although in my head I know He is. I wish I could be like some prayer warriors who faithfully pray daily, eagerly awaiting and trusting that God will answer their prayers even if it takes years. I thought I prayed with that boldness and fervour  but I suspect I lost a little of my faith somewhere along the path of my journey. I have found myself becoming a bit of a cynic which is something I never thought would happen! As I navigate through this season of my life, questioning the faith I have always known and clung to, I know I will come through the other side a bit scathed but hopefully stronger. Don't worry about me, I'm not ready to give up on Christianity just yet, I'm just rethinking my theology. In my Instagram photo below, the sun is casting shadows on the pure white, newly fallen snow.  Even in those shadows, the sun is offering hope-fresh, unblemished hope. Opportunity to restore faith that has waned to full strength again. For me, that light in the shadows is my promise from the One who created me in His image and accepts me unconditionally, even when I am experiencing a crisis of faith.