Online Dating. Is it for me....

Times Square, NYC, August 26, 2009

...NO!

I tried the online dating scene a few years ago with no success. In fact, I have crazy stories about the "blind dates" I went on as a result. I swore myself off the online dating scene, or so I thought! At this stage in my single journey it is difficult to meet single guys so online dating is a viable option, or so I thought! I know it has worked for some people, which is wonderful, but it is proving to be more of a heartache/headache for me!

I broke down this week while off on March Break. A Christian online dating service sent me an email with free time so I thought, "what have I got to lose!" I have to admit at first it is addicting, but then it becomes a bit boring until....

...until that moment you meet a great guy, or so you think! I am pretty cautious and thought I was good at weeding out the crazy ones! This guy and I seemed to have this great connection. I thought things were going well!

Sexual purity is something that I hold in high esteem. Although my beliefs have shifted a little as of late. It seems there are many "christian" guys out there who don't hold the same beliefs which is surprising to me. This was the first time a "christian" guy basically told me he had an issue with my beliefs and held it against me.

To be transparent, I have done alot of soul searching because of this journey. I was extremely hurt and shaken. It has left me a bit disillusioned and questioning everything I have stood for, which is what I believe God wants for our/my lives/life. Not to mention the fact that I feel utterly and completely embarrassed. It has also left me wondering if I will ever find a guy who will get me for me (and I him)!

I am grateful for friends who keep me accountable and grateful for my God-given ability to discern and exert self control. Sure I have moments of weakness like anyone else, but I had enough sense to let this guy go. He is not worthy of me!

Online dating opens you up for rejection, in an interesting sort of way. It's hard to explain unless you've been there! I don't want to put myself through this again so I hope I will say good-bye to online dating forever!

One day very soon, I have to believe, you will be reading about an upcoming wedding on this blog!

***FYI: I love my single life. I have a great life. I have been able to do so many amazing things in my lifetime. I am blessed. I don't hold back because I am single. But I want to be married one day and share the rest of my life with that special someone. I want a family. I know the "grass is always greener on the other side," however God didn't intend for us to be alone! I just wanted to clarify! ***

? or Bust

Antique Market, Grimsby, ON February, 2009

"Busted" Well Pump.

The theme of the week, "Busted," over at Thematic Photographic is a fitting description of my internet date on Sunday afternoon. I wish I had a more exciting ending to the story for you my faithful bloggy friends. One never knows how these things will turn out.

First impressions were good. We started off on a "good foot." (No pun intended. What am I thinking, of course I intended it!) Mr. Foot Doctor did have good manners. He actually paid for my coffee, which broke a blind date record. You see on most of the maiden blind dates I have been on, I end up paying for my own coffee. Maybe I'm old fashioned but in my opinion the guy should be paying for the coffee! But, I digress.

I was craving a Grande Gingersnap Soy Latte, but had second thoughts when my date just ordered a Tall Dark Roast, double cream. I didn't want to seem overindulgent since he was paying. He did however make a grande point about Dark Roast having less caffeine. Strike 1. He would be shocked at the exorbitant amount of caffeine I guzzle every morning.

Our conversation was auspicious until ... we got talking about death and burial options. Yup on a first date. I am comfortable with this topic. In fact, I shared with Mr. Foot Doctor about my dad wanting to be cremated and sprinkled over the ocean off the coast of Newfoundland. I was a little put off when, with a shocked look on his face, he told me cremation was "pagan." Clearly in an abhorred state, he proceeded to correct my apparent errant theology. Strike 2. He wouldn't have taken too kindly with knowing I want the same burial as my father. I think he would have gone over the top if I told him about wanting all the attendees at my funeral to chew a piece of Dubble Bubble gum and in unision blow a bubble in my honour!!! I'm serious. It's in my will:)

Strike 3. He cried. "Choked up" is a more fitting term. Be clear, I have no problem with guys crying. I love it, but it was just a little awkward on a first COFFEE date. To be fair, his mom just died a few months ago. Really I am not heartless. I just thought it was awkward.

Strike 4. Mr Foot Doctor, with a professional Practice, interacting with patients all day, did not once ask me a question in the two hours we were together. I 'm not sure if that is a normal "guy" thing or not. The conversation flowed because I am good at that sort of thing. AND I didn't talk too much! For those of you that know me in real life, you may be surprised. But it is true!

Strike ? Not that I'm keeping score or anything, but maybe if we had gone bowling we would have not struck out!

Some of my reasoning may sound picky to some of you, nevertheless, I am an intuitive person. I trust my gut. For me, the underlying tone from our conversation leads me to believe there are some issues that would matter in the long run. He is a nice looking guy. He has a good job. He is health conscious - participates in iron man competitions. Still there was no chemistry - and I don't just mean physical -no conversational chemistry either. I have to be true to myself and go with my gut.

As I was leaving Starbucks, I really didn't think this guy was into me either, but apparently I was wrong. When I arrived home, there was an email waiting for me. I think I will post it because it gives a little taste of how our conversation went throughout the date. I must explain that his final comments came from out of the blue ( and I don't necessarily agree and I don't think I am "conservative!"). Here is the email:

Hi Karyne,

I'm glad we were able to meet this afternoon. You're much more prettier than your pics on your profile. If I was you I would upload recent pics of yourself.... not for me, but if I'm not your type of man then some other man might find you... again in life you never know what will be. I hope you enjoyed the concert this evening. I guess that we are on the same page... I'm a conservative Christian and had the feeling that you were too. If you'd like to go out for dinner or see a movie next weekend, email me at your convenience. Or if you'd like me to join you for church next Sunday I'd like to do that too... only if it's okay with you. If I'm not your type of guy not a problem with me... I know we'll both keep searching. These days we try to be politically correct along with other solicietal norms, which I understand and don't agree with all of it. I know that gay marriage is a sin (you can't sugarcoat it) and don't like the liberal way that Canada has gone during the past 2 decades. I also don't like how some of the Christian churches have "an anything goes" approach to get more people attending church, eg the United Church. A lot of conservative Christians left that church and I don't think that it was a good policy shift for the United Church, because it wasn't based on the Biblical teaching. Take care and God bless,

Unfortunately, I have to render this date "busted." Will I try internet dating again? Mmmm. Not sure.
BTW...He never did ask to examine my feet. Phew!

Chapters/Starbucks, Oshawa, ON, February 24, 2009

"Busted" in the Relationship section of Chapters!

I found this lady tonight as I was trying to look for a book my bloggy friend recommended. I thought it was ironic. This lady was so focused on the relationship book she was reading that she didn't even notice I was fumbling to take her photo ,all the while trying to be inconspicuous. Thus the reason for the blurred photo.

confessions of an internet date-er

"If I am not worth the wooing, I am surely not worth the winning"

(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

I haven’t been diligent in keeping you, my faithful readers, informed of the other part of my single life - dating. Why? No particular reason apart from it being non –existent! Although I must admit I haven’t been actively pursuing anything even though inwardly it is a desire of mine. Where does one start when you are 40-ish? It is tougher at this stage in life to find appropriate venues where you can meet up with single men.

Evidently my parents have taken it upon themselves to search out one such venue. About a year ago, they called to inform me they read an ad in the local paper about a singles event in my area. My mom said to me, “darling, I have this mother’s intuition that you should attend this event.” Why not? I’d give it a try. After all, has it not been said we should always always listen to our mothers?

Even though I am a gregarious person, I was nervous as I entered the building that cold winter’s night. Having never been to a singles event, I had no idea what to expect. I did know I would enjoy the country line dancing the ad promised. As the room filled with eager participants, I noticed the absence of one gender. Let’s just say the odds were not in my favour! In fact, out of the 40 people in attendance, 5 were male. Two of those males were over the age of 80, and two were special needs. (Seriously. I am not exaggerating for the purpose of creative license!) Like I said, the odds were not in my favour. However, I did make the best of the situation and thoroughly enjoyed my evening of line dancing! Needless to say, I will never darken the door of one of these local single events again. Nor will I listen to my mother’s intuitive side again!

“What about internet dating?” a friend quipped. Hesitantly and cautiously I created a profile on this free “Christian” internet dating site. Over the last couple of years I dabbled here and there with not much success. I seem to attract the strange ones and end up in interesting situations. I will have to share another time about my “date” with this guy from Boston, Massachusetts. We met half way in Montreal, Quebec, both with friends in tow. He told me he was a scientist for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I was thrilled at the prospect of potentially getting free ice cream for life! I had visions of helping him create new flavours. Apparently, he lied about his profession. In actuality he was a receptionist - for another dairy company that didn’t even make ice cream. Goodbye "Chunky Monkey."

I was a tad bit disillusioned with internet dating vowing never to try it again. Well...

never say never…

The other day I “bit the bullet” and went back on this Christian internet dating site. I simplified my profile:

SWF looking for SWM who breathes.

A chiropodist responded. Yes, I did have to google “chiropodist” to make sure I knew it was a foot doctor I would be meeting for coffee on Sunday afternoon at Starbucks/Chapters rather than a vertebral subluxation specialist! We have barely exchanged two words so I have no idea how this will turn out. I am actually nervous. I wonder if he will want to examine my feet. Do you think he will mind that I have hammer toes, corns and chipped nail polish? Wish me luck. Any advice is always welcome!

Blind Dating 101

I am a sucker for watching the reality TV show, "The Bachelor." Why? I have no idea. The relationships usually don't even last. There was only one success story- Trista and Ryan. I think I still hold out hope that something will eventually work out for some lucky bachelor. I hope this British bachelor really did find true love in the American actress, whose father I used to be in love with in the 80's! ( Lorenzo Lamas of Falcon Crest fame!)

I guess the real crux of the matter is I am still a hopeless romantic, even at 40! I realize I am being idealistic, yet still relish the thought of being swept off my feet by my "knight in shining armour!" Okay, don't gag anyone!!! It is true!

Although at this stage in my life, I think I have given up hope that my knight will be arriving and have come to the conclusion that God somehow wants me to be single. Don't worry, I haven't felt the calling to enter the convent yet!

Maybe that is why "The Bachelor" is so appealing to me...it allows me to still dream... it allows me to live vicariously through someone else...okay I know it is TV and most likely staged, but hey...let me hold on to my dream!!

This seems a fitting segue ( excuse my spelling...Janina, my editor, I need you now!!) into the first installment of one of my blind date stories!! I thought it would be fitting to share this story first since it is at the forefront of my mind! Here goes....

Panic set in as I glanced around the crowded Sunday School classroom only a few short weeks ago. Directly sitting across from me was one of my blind date stories gone bad. I was in shock and many questions flooded my mind, such as, what is he doing here, why he is at my church, is he just visiting for the day, do I say hi to him, will I have to change classes, why does he keep staring at me.

It all started when a co-worker of mine asked if I would like to be set up with a co-worker of her husband at Costco. "He is a church boy too, " she said. Always up for an adventure, I said, "SURE!"

As it turned out, I knew him in an indirect way as his parents went to my church. I found out later that he and I were actually in youth group together but because he was younger than I, I didn't remember him. Apparently we even went to the same high school. So, my romantic mind got carried away with me and I was thinking what a cool love story we would have! ( and a great blog post!! hehehe! wait...I didn't blog back then!)

Phone numbers were exchanged. I eagerly anticipated his phone call. Sure enough he called the next day. Things were going well until...

he started to weep.

I mean uncontrollable sobs.

Something you would not typically expect from a guy, but I thought, "hey...great... he is a sensitive guy in touch with his feelings!"

Now, to be fair, his marriage had recently just broken up and thus the reason for the tears when telling me the story. For me though, it was too much information too soon. Prior to this sudden bout of crying, I had some "red flags," but thought I would keep an open mind. So at this point in the conversation I was second guessing my decision to have coffee with him. Quickly, my thoughts played my mom's " words of wisdom" tape from over the years....

"don't be so picky, give it a chance, he has a nice family, he has a good job, you aren't getting any younger...blah, blah, blah...give it a chance."

Rewind?....Delete?...I can't delete my mom's mom-ism's...So... Rewind it is...

We set a date and place. Oh no, another "red flag." He wanted to meet at the scummiest, smallest, and not in a -good- part- of -town Tim Horton's ( like Dunkin Donuts for all you Americans. Definitely not Starbucks). Call me old fashioned, but I'm not into going to a fast food type place on my first date. I love Timmy's coffee but not the greatest ambiance for a first date. He didn't even pay for my coffee....another sign in my books.

I know it may sound like I am being "picky." You bet I am! At this stage in my life, I do know what I want and don't want and am a good judge of character. I would rather be single than with someone just for the sake of having a partner.

So, we chit- chatted some more taking a trip down memory lane about all the mutual people we knew. No chemistry though. Then it happened again....He brought up the topic of his divorce again ...

You guessed it...

the uncontrollable sobbing started again.

Politely, I thanked him for a nice evening and made my exit.

I concluded that he was definitely not ready for a new relationship. He needed time to heal.

Has this healing taken place? I have no idea, but do hope so for his sake. We haven't spoken to each other yet. In fact, I try to avoid any eye contact, which is a difficult task in a small room! It is a bit awkward. Suffice to say, there is no chemistry even if he is ready for a relationship! The adventure with the "crying guy" may not be over. Stay tuned...

The Krazy Escapades of a 40 year old DATING single!

I have been wanting to post something here for a while about my "krazy escapades" of dating/being single at 40 when I read this GREAT post the other day from a new bloggy friend. The post pretty much summed it all up! Peruse at your leisure. It will help you understand how the dating scene is VERY different in this stage of life!! One difference being: where do you find the single men?

I have had some Krazy, with a capital K, blind date adventures that I will eventually share here, especially for my married bloggy friends! You can live vicariously through me! Decide for yourself whether or not you would want to enter the dating scene again, should the opportunity arise!!! :) lol!

In the meantime, you can join me on my dating/non-dating adventures! Stay tuned!