I had my first mammogram last year. It wasn't as horrible as I had heard. In fact, I didn't think it hurt at all. It was just a little uncomfortable. I wasn't worried about the results, even though my best friend conquered breast cancer. I think subconsciously I thought nothing like that would happen to me. Think again.
I received a call from the hospital one year later saying I am due to have my mammogram. I was surprised as usually they do them every two years. Apparently, the Radiologist felt I had dense breasts and wanted me to begin having mammograms yearly. I call them lumpy breasts which, for the record, I was surprised about. They don't feel lumpy to me! But I was impressed the hospital was thorough and notified me of this change. So on December 11, 2013 I toddled off to the hospital to have my second mammogram.
This time it hurt. It hurt a-LOT! The technician used a small plate (Whatever that means) and couldn't fit my boob on it properly. My wish for her to switch to the larger plate to save me some agony was not granted! Ouch! When the scan was over I toddled off to work and enjoyed the rest of my day. Little did I know what lay ahead.
A couple of days later I received a call from the hospital asking me to come back in for another scan. I was a wee bit alarmed but only thought they wanted to redo the scan using the larger plate, like I had wished for all along! According to my friends who have had mammograms, this was a common routine. When I called back to confirm the appointment, I found out it was not a redo. Instead they saw something and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. I began to panic. An assortment of thoughts came flooding to my mind. Everyone brushed it off as just being routine and told me not to worry. But for me, it was a cause for worry and I couldn't brush it off. Of course I was praying all along but clearly I was not accepting God's offer of peace. Thoughts raced through my mind like, is this really happening to me...do I have breast cancer...why God, why me. Finally I had to say to myself...STOP...many people go through this...you are not alone...don't let fear paralyze you...don't panic yet.
The day came for the ultrasound. All the volunteers and technicians were lovely and calming as I am sure they are used to the look of worry in women's eyes. It was unnerving. Having the ultrasound go over and over repeatedly the spot on my breast they were concerned about was unnerving. Still worried I asked questions and the technician was vague but kind. Finally she told me she had to get the Radiologist so just relax.
Relax? I was awkwardly positioned on the bed and all alone. Tears began to stream down my face as I talked with God. Well I actually pleaded with God to spare my life. This was the first time I was confronted personally with the brevity of life. Yet a peace soon came over me as I accepted the fact I could have breast cancer. What was I to do? Wallow in self pity? Allow panic to ruin my life? Or realize this could be God's plan, accept it and move forward with strength like thousands of women who have gone on before me in this battle. But, I did beg God to reveal it was nothing.
The minutes, seeming like hours, passed as I awaited my fate. Interrupting my thoughts, the Radiologist and technician calmly walked into the room. As they discussed my scan, I immediately knew all was okay. It was nothing apparently...just a swollen gland. Relief filled my whole being. The Radiologist left. The technician was giving me final instructions. I opened my mouth to say thank you but instead my tear ducts opened and expressed my thanks to this sweet, kind woman. She patted me on the hand and quietly whispered, "I know."
The sun was shining brilliantly on that cold December day as I walked to my car thanking God for sparing my life. I was shining brightly too!
Life continued to move on at a fast pace and there was no time for me to process the lessons my boobs were trying to teach me! Aye, but that is the lesson me thinks!
I need to stop. I need to pause. I need to find new ways to get rid of the stress that is slowly eating me so I won't get cancer. It was/is a wake up call. It also allowed me to express my gratitude for a thorough health care system in this great country of my birth!
Life is a gift. As I age gracefully, I need to remember to listen to my body and rest in arms of the One who created my beautiful body, mind and soul!
