I'm experiencing a minor crisis of faith at the minute. I'm not sure what is wrong. It could be this season of life or it could be the meds ( I have been sick for about a month thanks to the germs I ingest everyday at work from our wee kindergarten students)! Whatever is going on in my soul I am just plain tired. I do believe that at the core of my being, God is truth. However, I think I am just tired. Tired of church. Tired of trying to sort through all my questions I have for God in the midst of so many horrible tragedies taking place in our world and in my own life. I am a person who likes to discuss the meaning of life and spiritual matters face to face with people who also like to discuss these things without judgement and with an open mind. But that circle of examination has dissipated and thus I have bottled up all my petitions inside and am now experiencing a bit of a crisis of faith! It feels good to sort through my thoughts in this forum even though it may not make sense to those reading this post! Part of me is angry at God -angry that He has not granted me the desires of my heart in spite of my faithful obedience. Angry that He doesn't seem to be listening to my prayers, although in my head I know He is. I wish I could be like some prayer warriors who faithfully pray daily, eagerly awaiting and trusting that God will answer their prayers even if it takes years. I thought I prayed with that boldness and fervour but I suspect I lost a little of my faith somewhere along the path of my journey. I have found myself becoming a bit of a cynic which is something I never thought would happen! As I navigate through this season of my life, questioning the faith I have always known and clung to, I know I will come through the other side a bit scathed but hopefully stronger. Don't worry about me, I'm not ready to give up on Christianity just yet, I'm just rethinking my theology. In my Instagram photo below, the sun is casting shadows on the pure white, newly fallen snow. Even in those shadows, the sun is offering hope-fresh, unblemished hope. Opportunity to restore faith that has waned to full strength again. For me, that light in the shadows is my promise from the One who created me in His image and accepts me unconditionally, even when I am experiencing a crisis of faith.
