My December Happenings...

...FROM an 80's party, visit with best friends, walking in the 'hood, seeing famous celebrities at a taping of the "Battle of the Blades" tv show ( hockey players; Theo Fleury, Val Bure, etc., figure skaters; Jamie Sale, Katarina Gordeava, Shae Lynn Bourne, Kurt Browning, etc.' Ron McClean host), sleeping in my favourite plaid flannel sheets, singing jingles in our church's Christmas production set in the 1940's (I tried to put my hair in pincurls like they did in the '40's but it was a disaster!) , dog/cat/house sitting, walking the dog in the old Cullen Gardens and Minature village which is now overgrown but turned into a lovely park with some of the old pathways and buildings, taking some of my students Christmas carolling at the local Starbucks, Christmas shopping, eating yummy Christmas treats, TO spending time with family celebrating our Saviour's birth. I love December. Now on to embracing the rest of the winter! (click on photo collage to enlarge the pics)

my perspective from the choir loft

As I scanned the crowd from the choir loft this morning, a quote I read over at Supersimbo 's blog popped into my head:

“What is church? It’s people, broken people, pretending not to be broken and that’s what breaks it.”
(The quote is from Phil Groom’s blog post
http://philgroom.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/broken-church/)

So many broken people. I see it in their eyes. So many broken people trying to be brave. So many broken people mustering all the strength they have to trust God, our Healer, with their brokenness.

We've come a long way at my church. The walls of pretending- everything- is- great are being torn down. I see more vulnerableness. I see more transparency. I see less judgement. And that makes my heart happy.

I can understand why we pretend not to be broken. It requires letting go of pride, of being humble, of being exposed. Dictionary.com defines vulnerable as, "being open to attack." Sadly, there have been many in the church who have been attacked when they have shared their fractured lives. Some chose to forgive and stay while others chose to forgive and move on.

The church is to be a refuge, a safe community where broken people - and that includes ALL of us - can find freedom and release, without judgement, from our fragmented lives through our relationship with Christ.

As one who is also broken, I hope I can reflect and encourage an attitude of openness, without judgement, for the hurting people I see from the choir loft each Sunday. We are in this together. We are the church. Let's stop pretending and allow our Healer to turn our brokenness into something beautiful which fosters truth, growth and honour to our great God.

Tutoring for the technically challenged individual

Look at this adorable 2 year old I encountered at church on Sunday night while rehearsing with our band. I couldn't believe he knew his way around this...







... Yup, an iPod touch! This two year old who can barely form sentences I understand actually taught me, a technically challenged older young woman, how to use this device! It was priceless. And look how adorable he is with his snazzy headphones! I think he should start his own business for the technically challenged!

Angels watching over me...

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." (Exodus 23:20)

"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands..." (Psalm 91:11)

The angels did take over! And it was quite the journey! A beautiful celebration of God's AMAZING grace.

Resolved

Jesus says, “A thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I come so you can have real and eternal life, more and better life than you ever dreamed of.” (John 10:10, The Message)

I had to make the call, but not to the source of my temptation. Rather to the source of unconditional friendship. My mind wrestled with this decision. In one corner, Truth, in the other, Tempter. Tantalizing, tormenting, teasing. Luring me. Strength eluded me. But, GRACE found me. She held on tight, intertwining her mercy around the core of my soul.

Never before have I had a married man pursue me. And never before have I been tempted to pursue a married man.

I was in a vulnerable state when this man and I crossed paths. I had encountered, once again, piercing words of discouragement from people whom I believe meant well.
“What is wrong with you, why aren’t you married? You are too picky. Just be content then you will meet someone, etc.” Utterances that imply there is a formula for finding love and companionship. Utterances that imply rejection and failure.

The great tempter, Satan, loves to use these oral missives to his advantage. I began to believe these lies. “I must be a horrible person for no guy to want me. There must be something horribly wrong with me. I must be ugly. I must be overly picky. I am such a failure, etc.” Highly exposed, I latched onto every flirtatious, acclamatory remark from the mouth of this married man. The chemistry was certain. It felt amazing. I won’t deny. The battle in my mind continued to rage. Do I cross the line?

One afternoon while driving home from work, my weak cries of help to God were heard. Suddenly I had this overwhelming burden to call my best friend and recount my predicament. (I hadn't spoken to anyone about this yet) My precious, ever so wise, kindred spirit brought clarity and not judgment to my plight. It was a “God-thing.” That very morning, my beautiful “sista” was reading in Matthew 4 where Jesus was being tempted by Satan. At one point Jesus said, “Beat it Satan!” I love how The Message translates this verse. Over the phone, I bellowed, “Beat it Satan” too. I knew once I vocalized the situation the battle would be over. I knew the Truth. I knew it was wrong. I knew I could not cross that line. Yet somehow I was blindsided.

However, the GREAT news is ONLY because of God’s grace, mercy, strength, wisdom and protection, did I make the right choice. I am amazed. I am thankful. I am free. I am celebrating what God has done for me!

My pastor spoke on this John 10:10 passage yesterday, so I was reminded of this God story. I felt impressed to share it here on my blog. I’m not sure why, but my hope is that it can encourage the person that needs to hear it today.

“God is my shield. Lord please accept my willing offerings of praise and teach me your judgments. My life is constantly in danger yet I do not forget your instruction. The wicked have set a trap for me, but I have not wandered from your precepts. I have your degrees as a heritage forever; indeed, they are the joy of my heart. I am resolved to obey your statutes to the very end.” (Psalm 119:108-112, The Message)

Sunday Worship

"When I see the beauty
Of the sunset’s glory

Amazing artistry

Across the evening sky

When I feel the mystery
Of a distant galaxy
It awes and humbles me
To be loved by a God so high













What can I do but thank you
What can I do but give
My life to you
Hallelujah, hallelujah
What can I do but praise you
Every day make everything I do
A hallelujah, a hallelujah
Hallelujah





When I hear the story
Of a God of mercy
Who shared humanity
And suffered by our side
Of the cross they nailed you to
That could not hold you
Now you’re making all things new
By the power of your risen life "
(Paul Baloche & Graham KendrickCopyright © 2005 Integrity's Hosanna! Music )

(Photos from top to bottom: Daisies in Northern Ireland, July 2008: Sunset over Lake Ontario taken from the Go Train, January 2009; Giant's Causeway, Northern Ireland, July 2008; Paul Baloche leading worshippers into a deeper connection with God, October 2008, Cambridge, Ontario; A new life, Northern Ireland, July2008.)

for shame!

I felt a firm tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I was immediately drawn to his eyes. A vibrant, infectious gleam of light stared straight into my soul. I looked away. I was uncomfortable. He was holding something in his weathered hands. He wanted to tell me the story. Except I was not present in the moment. My thoughts forthwith became judgemental and haughty. My body shifted back and forth in an uneasy swaying motion. I reached for the hand of my friend to stay beside me but the hand was not there. She was gone to collect her children from the church nursery. He moved closer to me - well beyond the line of personal space. His body stench was making me choke, but we had to be in close proximity in order to hear one another above the chatter in the church foyer.

I first met this disheveled, middle-aged man a few months ago at a worship team practice. He was to be joining our band as one of the electric guitar players. It was clear he was a tad bit eccentric, but was friendly enough. He had been quite encouraging to me one Sunday when I sang my first solo with the choir. It was also becoming clear he had a wee bit of a crush on me. Thus, the reason for my reaction in that church foyer. Or was it the reason. At that moment, I had to truthfully search the intentions at my core. I didn't like what I stumbled upon.

The dissident people of this world have always somehow been drawn to me and for some reason I always tried to deflect any lingering contact. Strange- hypocritical really- considering I was striving to be like Jesus. I was given some wise counsel by a friend/teacher back in 1988, whom I met at Holsbybrunn Bible School in Sweden, that made a huge impact on my ensuing outlook of these "misfits of society,"

"...Karyne, I am happy to hear that you're involved in different kids and youth "things" at your church. If you are interested and give the kids of your time you're doing something real important. They need somebody who is willing to listen and take them seriously.I say this because I believe that all personal contacts are our main responsibility and our best opportunities to share our genuine faith. It's not so much the elaborate methods and neat programs that attract people to God. It's real people in real relationships! And by the way...

I think I can tell you why you seem to attract "weirdos" to yourself. Those are people who don't fit and aren't accepted. They don't measure up simply. And when they feel that you don't look at them that way, they can't do anything else than try to develop that little friendship that is so vitally important.

Don't misunderstand me when I tell you this and don't feel that all this puts even more pressure on you. You don't have to do anything. But what you decide to do, do it honestly and in a free way.

These people can notice right away whether you care about them at all. And since they don't get respect as human beings from everybody, just a few actually, they simply can't resist the warm personality that you radiate. So these people are weird, clumsy in their expression of emotions, different, maybe even dangerous at times, but so what?

The reason why I make this such a big deal, is that I am utterly convinced that we as Christians find God available in the little ones of this world. We know that Christ shows something unique about the One and True God. God is on the side of the weak and oppressed. We meet God in these people, because He has identified Himself with the lowest of human misery. That's my starting point for my belief in God. So Karyne, God bless you in these contacts. I believe you're going the right direction if these people are attracted to you! Then you radiate true love. I don't write all these things to flatter you. Take it as a real encouragement though. I believe in you!

Your friend in the promised land, Jorgen Skold."
( I didn't realize just how wise those words were back in 1988! As I pen them here I am in awe. This letter was written when I was in university for nursing- before I entered full time youth ministry. Oh how I have learned exactly what he knew- the hard way at times! He was so young to be so wise. Unfortunately, I have lost contact with Jorgen. I hope our paths cross again one day!)

Over the years, I learned to embrace my fears and reach out. Or so I thought. I am now face to face with someone in my church community who, without realizing it, is challenging my belief system once again. He just wants to tell his story to someone who will actively listen. Without me knowing at that moment, he also wanted someone to pray for him. I knew I had to give this man my full attention. I knew I had to squelch my awkwardness and say to myself, "so what if he has a crush on me, listen to his story, learn from him, what is God trying to say to you through him.

The item being clasped by his weathered hand was a solid-pine, electric guitar "sound box," minus the neck. His brother handmade it for him for Christmas. It was beautiful. His face glowed as he recounted the history of how this guitar came to be and how it was to be completed. He wanted me to touch it. I hesitantly obliged. Carefully I felt the curves, felt the smoothness of the wood, felt the painstaking hours it took the craftsman to create. Now, I was ready to end this conversation as I was hungry and wanted to go home for lunch. Politely I excused myself but not before he asked me for a favour.

As he spoke, that gleam radiated to my soul once again. He wondered if I would pray for him that afternoon. He had invited some homeless people- those who live outside- over to his house for a post Christmas dinner. ( honestly, this man looked homeless himself.) He wanted to share Jesus with them - would I pray. Of course! I reassured him I would, said goodbye, then quickly headed out to my car.

As I drove away into the blazing sun, I couldn't get the vision of his elated countenance out of my head. Shame on me for being uncomfortable. Shame on me for caring recklessly. How impudent of I. For shame. I prayed PASSIONATELY for him and his Christmas dinner that afternoon. God in His graciousness and mercy gently restored that right spirit within me. I hope I can continue to radiate true love - God's love to the "little ones of this world." Living out our worship. (As of yet, I have not been able to connect with him to get an update on how the dinner went. When I do, I will post it here!)

Today, I was reading in Amos and Isaiah and the following words in Isaiah jumped out at me. They speak for themselves. It is God's word after all!

"...This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am."
...If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate
make the community livable again."
( sections of Isaiah 58, The Message)

Stranger in the Night

**Update** I will use the following story for this week's theme of "night"over at Thematic Photographic, even though I do not have an actual photograph. I hope you can visualize the photo! I will try to look in my archives of hard copies for a prairie wintry night!

Startled, I awoke at 3 am to the sound of loud banging at my door. Reluctantly I stirred from my cozy, warm bed and answered the door. It was our security man, Keith. The year was 1991 and I was a student in my final year at Briercrest Bible College in Caronport, Saskatchewan. ( for my American friends, Saskatchewan is one of the prairie provinces north of the Dakota's!)

Caronport, home of Briercrest, is situated on the Trans Canada Highway in the middle of nowhere - well for a city girl from Ontario, it was the middle of nowhere! It used to be the old Canadian Air Force base in the early 1900's. A Petro Canada gas station and restaurant was located at the entrance to Caronport. However, they were not open at three in the morning.

The weather outside was bone chilling cold, typical for the prairies in the middle of winter. The wind was howling at break-neck speed stirring the dusting of snow viciously across the highway.

Keith apologized for waking me up but needed my help. A young girl driving alone from Calgary, Alberta to Brandon, Manitoba ( about a 15 hour drive) hit black ice and rolled her car into the ditch right in front of the gas station.

Clearly, God was watching over this girl. Caronport was the only town for miles and at three in the morning, on an extremely cold winter's night, there wasn't much traffic on the highway. She would have froze to death, alone in her car.

Instead, God brought her to us. Keith told me he took her to the guest room on the first floor of my dorm. He asked that I go be with her as she was pretty shaken up. Miraculously, she suffered no physical injuries.

By this time I was wide awake and had the kettle on. I brought her a cup of hot chocolate to warm her insides and warm her shaken soul. I sat with her for a while. We didn't talk much but I did ask if she would like me to pray for her. She accepted my offer and quietly sobbed as I petitioned God. After our prayer, I left her alone so she could get some rest before her father arrived from Manitoba the next day. As I climbed back into my cozy, warm bed to try to get a couple hours of sleep before breakfast, I thanked God for protecting this girl and allowing Keith and I to assist her in this tangible way.

By the time I awoke later that morning she was gone. I never did find out the ending to her story. Yet over the course of the next couple of years she would come to my mind and I would say a little prayer for her.

It has been about 15 years since I have thought about that stranger in the night. I can't recall her name now. Nevertheless, God brought her to my mind this morning while I was sitting in church. I don't know why but do know I needed to say a little prayer for the girl who almost froze to death, alone on that cold, dark wintry night on the prairie.

Bored in Church

I dedicate today's post to those of us who developed our artistic skills, at a young age, doodling in church during the LONG, BORING ( to a child) sermons.

Recently, I was looking through my Grandmother's Bible and found this "artwork" circa 1970's. Resident artist: my brother Cameron. Clearly, he must have been extremely bored and out of creative ideas to attempt to replicate our church hymnal. For those of my friends reading my blog who went to Calvary in the 60's, 70's and 80's, you will no doubt remember those red hymnbooks! It was almost blasphemy when the church bought new ones and laid to rest Crowning Glory ! Now, we don't use hymnbooks at all in church. Multimedia has taken over! My brother moved on from drawing hymnbooks to portraits...
Apparently this is what I looked like back in the early 70's. I was a mature looking toddler! He couldn't even spell my name right! Close though. I shouldn't be too hard on him! It's not his fault our parents chose a different spelling for my common name! ( I actually grew to love the way my name was spelled) Also, Cam definitely captured the family resemblance between my oldest brother Steve and I. Steve is 8 years older than I. We practically look like twins!
Priceless art. Thanks to my "packrat" grandma for this keepsake. It made me chuckle today.

I had a dream...I found Petit Fours..but it was only a dream! Hark! The "Mother - Daughter High Tea" was a success without the Petit Fours!

My church had this amazing Mother -Daughter High Tea yesterday in honour of Mother's Day! I was asked to be one of the table hostesses. As a table hostess, one of our responsibilities was to set the table, using personal china or church china, place cards, etc., if we so desired. In my previous blog post, you knew I enlisted the help of a "transplanted -southern -belle -bloggy- friend -of -mine" at Hokey Pokey Life. She came up with this GREAT idea for place cards using "Petit Fours." (You can read about that story here.) Well...the GREAT "Petit Four ADVENTURE" ensued. Do you think I could find Petit Fours anywhere in Durham Region, population approx. 500,000? Do you think I could find Petit Fours anywhere in Toronto - the community next to me, population approx. 1, 500,000? Canada is part of the Commonwealth. We bow to the Queen. I bet she has full access to Petit Fours! So, here my dear Hokey Pokey friend can find Petit Fours in the great country of America, yet we here in the great province of Ontario, where the first British settlers settled, in the great country of Canada, are without! What was I to do? I put my creative juices into action, using one part Hokey Pokey's idea, one part my idea and one part Isabella's Chocolate Cafe's idea! The photo above shows the end result! A purse( or handbag as it is called in the UK!) filled with two homemade chocolate truffles, displaying the place card with the verse, "...Do not forsake your mother's teaching. [It] will be a garland to grace your head..." (Proverbs 1:8,9) written on it and tied neatly together with pink polka -dotted ribbon! I am very pleased with the end result! Wouldn't you agree?!! Thank you Kimberley ( Hokey Pokey) for your great ideas! I did find out that the owner of Isabella's could have ordered Petit Fours for me from his wholesaler but I was a day late! Thankfully, a wonderful time was had by all at the Mother-Daughter High Tea. It was a LOVELY day. I am grateful my mother was able to join me in this celebration! Here is my table:
I set the table as a tribute to my mom and her mother! It turned out to be sort of "shabby chic," which I loved! The china plates, teapot, cream and sugar hailed from Ireland. They are "Donegal Parian China", a gift from our Irish friends. ( I only had 6 plates so mom and I used china plates from Scotland!) The tea cups came from my mom. Fifty-one years ago, when she got married, it was customary to have "tea cup showers." As a little girl, I always LOVED my mom's tea cup collection, so I was thrilled she allowed me to use them yesterday! The daffodil cutlery came from my mom's trousseau as well! I decorated the centre of the table with one of my pinafores, one of my grandma's lace bibs and a baby photo of my mom. ( I like to be symbolic!) The wee vase is "Belleek Parian China," coming from Northern Ireland as well! The flower in the vase was stolen - oops, I mean "borrowed" from a flower arrangement in the senior's building where my parents live!! lol! Shhh....don't tell anyone!!

Here is my beautiful mom! Doesn't she look great for 71 years old!!!

The program.... The platters of food....one layer had sandwiches, one layer had squares and one layer had scones! Delicious! The platters on my table are actually from my great aunt's trousseau! There is debate on the etiquette of what to eat first at afternoon tea, but apparently the Queen loves to eat the squares first then work herself down to the sandwiches! So, our table decided to follow the Queen's example!! Here is my mom and I with another guest from my table.
Here are the lovely ladies from my table! We had a wonderful time together and they LOVED my place cards! I was blessed to be able to share the afternoon with my mom. I even made her cry when she watched the video the daughters made to honour our moms! It was a special day!

( to view the rest of my pictures from the tea, you can check out my web album at: www.picasaweb.google.com/swile67.)

Thank you for your Prayers

My dear bloggy friends...thank you so much for your prayers and encouraging words for me as I sang at our Good Friday service! I felt them and know God was glorified! It was a God moment! On Thursday, a special lady at my church gave me a verse that was so timely. She had no idea but God sure did! She was so cute. She even made me repeat it after her to make certain I had it memorized! Here it is:

" Whatever you do in word or deed ( or song!) , do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father." (Colossians 3:17) I didn't even peek as I wrote this out!!!:) It is memorized now!!:)

I give thanks to God for using this song to bring glory and honour to Him AND to remind us our sacrificed Jesus set us right with God. How can you say no to this man!

Happy Easter

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. "
Matthew 28:6

Prayer Request

I came here this morning to ask you bloggy friends that pray to pray for something but am going to ask you to add one more thing to that list! This morning I have been feeling sooo defeated and sooo rejected. It could be hormonal or it could be related to my other prayer request.

First, I would ask you to pray for me this Good Friday as I am singing in our 10 am service. I am very nervous as I don't normally sing solo's at my church. The song I am singing has a powerful message and it is my prayer that God would be glorified through this message. Pray that I will face no distractions and that those who need to hear this message will have hearts that are open. It is an old song by Julie Miller called, "How Can You Say No To This Man." Please also pray for the musicians helping me that God will use them in this song as well! I am praying for what I call a "God moment." Thank you my friends!

So, in light of this, I am feeling so overwhelmed with defeat. I do not normally feel like this and as I sit here typing this at work, I just don't want to be here. So, I would ask you to pray for me today. Thank you so much.

I didn't even feel like reading my Bible but I did and once again God is amazing and gently puts me in my place!!!I was reading from Romans 4 where it talks about Abraham. When everything was hopeless Abraham believed anyway deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he WOULD do. Abraham dared to trust God to do what only God could do. I had to ask myself, "Do I live like this?" Honestly I wish I could say I lived like this all the time but I can't. It goes on to say the sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God - set us right with God.

It then occurred to me as I was pouring my heart out to God about these feelings of rejection, that Jesus was rejected over and over again. AND, I have rejected Jesus over and over again by not spending time with Him. But, amazingly, the sacrificed Jesus enabled us to be set right with God! He empathizes with us - with me.

I hope this post has made sense....the bell rang so the students are pouring in and I must go. I wanted to get this sent off this morning....these are just some of my raw thoughts. Thank you for listening and praying.

Am I in Jr. High?

So, I was sitting in the church hall the other day waiting for a missions presentation to begin. I quickly said hello to the girl sitting beside me when suddenly I felt this hand hitting my knee. As I turned to the source of the hit, I was greeted by a scowl and a "shhhhoush." This source was a stranger to me - a much younger stranger I might add. I could not believe this guy hit my knee and told me to be quiet. The girl sitting beside me was in shock too. I felt like I was back in Jr. High. The nerve of this guy to not only touch me, a stranger, but to tell me to be quiet when the presentation hadn't even started. But, I said nothing. Maybe I should have.

Facing my fears of failure and rejection

Inspired this week by a book I am reading, "No Opportunity Wasted" (by Phil Keoghan host of The Amazing Race) , I dived face first into my ocean of fear in order to rise high above the waves of failure and rejection. I am caught in the strong undertow. But, I am a fighter. I am tired. I am hurt. I want to give up. But, I am a fighter. By God's Grace. I see a glimmer of light at the surface. I can make it. By God's Strength. How will I respond once I reach the surface? That is the question. To be or not to be. Trying out for a minuscule solo part for a church musical may seem like a trivial way to conquer my fear of failure and rejection, but not for me. It's more complicated than it sounds and it's not the only time I have been turned down for a part in a church musical. I knew what the outcome would be before I dived in. However, I decided to tackle this opportunity as a "NOW" moment. I worked hard. So here I am . Caught in the undertow. But, I am a fighter. By God's Wisdom, Love and Peace. I will rise above those waves. I will be okay. Lessons learned. Conqueror. Ready to fight the battle all over again.