be careful what you wish for

My Christmas wish sort of came true today. My parents and I received an email 3 weeks ago from my brother which stated, "Time has a way of soothing. I would like to connect and move forward if you are willing..."

You can imagine our excitement. My brother was "coming home." Over the years I prayed for reconciliation but truthfully, most of my prayers were prayed flippantly and with cynicism. My brother can be a stubborn sort!

We met my brother for coffee today. It didn't go well at all. **sigh** I'm very disappointed. Clearly my brother is not ready to move forward. There are still unwritten expectations that need to be dismantled, on both sides truthfully. However, it was next to impossible to share our perspectives because my brother would interrupt and shut the conversation down. It was so frustrating. I must say I was proud of my parents. They did handle themselves well. I was a wee bit worried! There were a few things they would have been best not to mention, but that is their way and their generation! One thing I observed- their love for their son. It was free flowing, unconditional. But, my brother was blinded by defensiveness to see it. **sigh** It was heartbreaking things didn't turn out the way we hoped.

My dad ended up having a reaction to all the stress later in the afternoon. He began to shake uncontrollably, was feverish and sick to his stomach. He was very disappointed too. I'm not sure why my brother wanted to meet us if he wasn't ready to move on. But, I am continuing to trust God in this matter. He has started to soften my brother's heart, soften my parent's hearts, soften my heart and has started the healing process in our family. I don't understand. It is painful to see the hurt in my parents' eyes. But, I have to continue to trust the One who heals broken lives.

I hate this dissension in my family. Life isn't suppose to turn out this way! There are no guarantees are there when you raise your children? Parents do the best they can. My parents raised us well. Sure, they weren't perfect but who is. We were loved, cared for and given all we could ever dream or imagine. I am grateful for my upbringing. I find it strange that siblings can grow up in the same environment yet have totally different perspectives on how they were raised.

*sigh* One day we will have the best homecoming ever! I have to believe that.