(Fall rain. September 2009. Brooklin, ON)i am in a melancholy mood tonight. i'm not used to this prolonged emotion. it is tugging, twisting, trying perilously to defeat my normal positive self. embrangling, impeding my energy to reach out. it is amplifying apathy in my spirit. i'm just trying to survive daily life. it is scaring me. is it the hormonal changes taking place in my body in this stage of my life? most likely. is it due to the stress i'm under dealing with my mom's illness? most likely. i'm trying to be strong especially for my dad. we feel helpless. in addition, my body is aching again for a child. my soul is fighting the intense loneliness and desire for a companion. i am in a battle with my spiritual self. my prayers are feeble. i'm at a loss at what to say to God because i am angry with Him, but i know i need to keep on praying. i may look fine on the outside but this turmoil is taking its toll. i know i am also "pms-ing," which can greatly magnify the situation. oh how i love being a woman (said in a sarcastic tone)! one thing can upset us and next thing we know our entire world is shaken and ready to fall apart! but that is how God created us and how we are meant to share space on this earth with our fellow man! i will embrace it. i know my melancholy will turn to "joy in the morning." i already feel relief. Cheers!
5 comments:
Totally understand your feelings tonight. My swings seem to be bigger and wider and longer now. AWFUL!!! Be assured of my friendship and love, Karyne! Praying for a quick move out of this dark place for you. You are loved!
Praying for you, my friend.
xo
The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down. The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.
Psalm 145:14-19 :)
I happened to run across your blog, and wanted to leave a word of encouragement.
I feel so bad for you Karyne because when you feel that way everything in your life seems bleak. And you just can't snap out of these things.
I'm sorry to hear about your mum and I understand how hard it must be to try and be strong when you feel so fearful yourself.
My thoughts are with you and I hope with the fullness of time you start feeling a bit better.
@ Carol and Carolyn...thank you my friends! love you too!
@Courtney..thank you for your timely words from God's word! they encouraged me greatly today...(read my latest post!)
@Gypsy..thanks again for your kind words...so true how you just can't snap out of these things...but one day at a time! my mom's mood was crazy up and down today...it's so hard not to "walk on eggshells" but she seems to have settled now..still not talking to my dad and I. mental illness is soooo difficult for the families..they seem to be the forgotten ones. thanks for your concerns and care!
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