sitting down,
thinking.
trying to be honest with myself
trying to find the words
examining my heart's cry
allowing myself to feel
allowing myself to cry from the bowels of my soul
longing for freedom
longing for peace
longing for relief
longing for wisdom
longing for patience
trying to express how it feels at the core of my being
grasping how to react, how to care yet allowing my soul to speak
tired, exhausted
the cycle begins again
figuring out how to share space with someone whom I love dearly
who has a mental illness
i hate the stigma that clings
clutching tightly
it sucks energy
sucks life
takes advantage
prevents vulnerability
when really it is about fear
people are afraid
i especially hate the judgement from the church
it's wrong
for shame
fear at the marrow
yet somehow the church,
the body of Christ
is to be a safe haven
cling to Jesus
He is true love
He created these precious souls
created their broken minds
He is the Healer
took upon Himself the mark of disgrace
displayed true love
Mother Theresa said,
"The dying, the cripple, the mental, the unwanted, the unloved, they are Jesus in disguise...Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting."
Jesus in disguise
i like that
help
help
help end the mind-less cycle
but i'm scared
i'm tired
tired
i don't know how to respond anymore
it's painful
painful
it's hard
hard
but
i keep praying
i let go of bitterness
i forgive
i forget the hurtful words spoken
i forget
i love
as Rumi says,
"Love is the cure.
For your pain will keep giving birth to more pain,
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as your body yields its scent."
(thanks P.C.-if you are reading this- for introducing me to the poems of Rumi!)
exhale
sigh
breathe
i learn
i am stronger
release
surrender
peace
the mind - less cycle becomes the mind- filled cycle wrapped in my true Love
Jesus
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing your heart here Karyne. Beautifully written - even if it's hard to know the pain you are feeling. I agree that the church is usually the first to shoot their wounded. Very, very sad! I LOVED the Mother Theresa quote. Thinking of you today and praying for peace and strength. Big hugs from me!
I'm sorry you are feeling at such a loss. Just keep being yourself.
@carol..thanks sweetie...i sent you an email!
@ lauren i will!
This is very powerful and I wish you much peace in the midst of your pain. I liked that Mother Theresa quotation, very much. I must remee,ber that. Pain is often the greatest teacher, hard as that may be....One needs things to soften it.
thinking of you hugs. hugs :)
@ OOLOTH Thanks! Yes, pain is a great teacher...I guess life would be dull without it!
@ Sealaura...I feel the hugs!
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