Love Actually...

"Love Actually

Love Actually is

love actually is all around..."

Loneliness can be a bit of a spoilsport. It seems to mar me when I least expect it. Christmastime seems to bring out those feelings of aloneness that are buried in the depths of my soul. Ironic isn't it considering I have been surrounded by family and friends during this holiday season. It's not that kind of loneliness though, "being without company; solitary; lone." It's difficult to define. However, part of the pang stems from my desire to be with someone - my soulmate- in a committed marriage relationship and have a brood of children together!


It is a God-given desire. Sometimes I feel guilty for these feelings. But, didn't God create a helper for Adam because he didn't want him to be alone. Sometimes I get angry at God and like to blame Him for not allowing this desire to come to fruition.


I am content with my singleness. I am enjoying it to the full. There is nothing wrong with me - no more than anyone else! It is natural to long for a family. I am also fully aware some people in a marriage can suffer feelings of loneliness. I am not impling that marriage and children will cure these pangs of loneliness - maybe they will. It is easy for my feelings of self-pity to be stirred up at this time of year, especially when I have friends getting engaged, friends having babies and I am still single. I truly want to be happy for these friends but selfishly I want to wallow in my own self pity.

One of my favourite Christmas movies, "Love Actually," was on TV last night. It was the inspiration behind this poem/song I wrote. During the writing of this song, I was experiencing another bout of heartache and was determined to move on. To move past the pain of loneliness. To move past the self pity. To get on with my life. To sing again. To dance again.

Last night, another part of this movie was like salve to my soul...
"love actually... is all around."
Love surrounds me. Love is in me. I cannot take it for granted. I need to remember. I need to be thankful. I am fortunate. The Great Love is salve to my soul.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
(Romans 5:1-5, NIV)

Love actually is all around!