Summer Lesson

Every year this time I always exclaim, "I can't believe summer is over already!" And every year this time I am amazed at how fast my summer holidays fly by! Come Tuesday I am back to work for another school year, so it is time for me to take a breath and reflect on my summer before the crazy adventure starts! 

I am blessed to have such a long holiday and thoroughly enjoyed my time this summer. I did some camping, explored these incredible grotto caves that look like they belong in the Caribbean ocean. (I never knew these existed so close to where I live)! Visited with family, friends. Celebrated my dad's 80th birthday. Went to concerts, basketball games.  Shopped. Enjoyed the mornings on the balcony. Volunteered. Had to deal with a young man who hit my new car! Cried and laughed with my best friend allowing our friendship to go deeper. While on the other hand lost a dear friend who decided she wanted out of our 40 year friendship, which is still shocking to me because I didn't do anything wrong (I did swallow my pride and apologize with no strings attached)! It is a horrible place to be when someone does not forgive you but I have made peace and feel released. I know in my heart I wasn't at fault and have my arms open if she chooses to come back. 

I also had the opportunity to visit another church and it was at that service where I learned my biggest lesson this summer. I actually wept during the sermon, which was a bit embarrassing but I thought this is reality so let it flow! I'm not sure exactly why I reacted this way but loved the minister. She, yes it was a female minister, was wonderful and spoke so eloquently and was theologically sound! She spoke about when Jesus was visiting Mary and Martha's home (Luke 10). I was reminded that I need to sit at Jesus's feet and just be. Just listen. Sit still and listen to what God is calling me to do for this day. 

So every morning, I have been reading through the Psalms, and my "Echoes of Eternity" devotional book and asking, "GOD, WHAT ARE YOU CALLING ME TO DO TODAY?"

It has been amazing to me that so many times throughout the day, this question comes into my mind. It puts me back on track and allows me to focus on what is important at that moment. 

So as I enjoy the final days of summer and am ready to start the new school year and embark on a new adventure (I am starting my own part time business in direct sales....a nail wrap company coming to Canada called Jamberry Nails...stay tuned for more info), I will try my best to remain focused on listening to God and asking daily, "What are you calling me to do today God?"  

"Examine me God, from head to foot, order your battery of tests. Make sure I'm fit inside and out so I never lose sight of your love, but keep in step with you never missing a beat." (Psalm 26:2,3 The Message)

Healing from my sweet snow angel

"NC," my sweet snow angel, February 2013

I don't know why but the faith of a child is infectious!  I love how God used the innocent, matter-of- fact, faith of a precious four year old girl to teach me new significance about my faith.  This brown-eyed, humourous, young child with the best hairstyles, gently took my hand and led me down a path where my faith was free again. Restored.

     This sweet child has a wisdom about her that is beyond her years yet still maintains that innocent four year old flare. One day NC approached me and said matter-of-factly, "Miss W, my aunt, who is my dad's sister is black, my dad is black and I am black." I resisted the urge to use sarcasm in responding back to her and just smiled and said, "Really? Wonderful!" Later on that afternoon, she made another comment about being black so I immediately worried she was self conscious of her skin colour. I kindly spoke, " NC, God made us all different for a reason. He made you black and He made me white." Immediately she jumped into the conversation replying confidently, "No Miss W, God made you pink!"  I had to turn away and laugh! Indeed I am pink toned thanks to my Northern Irish roots! Wait until NC sees me in the summer. I am VERY berry pink!
    I quickly learned NC (remember she is a four year old) was a prayer warrior. And it was in her moments of random prayer throughout the year when God tenderly spoke to my heart: My child, you need that boldness and confidence in your prayers again. Don't be afraid, whatever the outcome. Pray expecting I will grant you the desires of your heart my child. And don't forget to pray, "In Jesus' name!"  One day a friend of mine received bad news--her husband was in a terrible work accident.  Under my breath I said, "I need to pray she makes it to the hospital safely." NC thought I was talking to her so she bowed her head and clasped her hands together right there and began to pray for this friend of mine and her husband. I declared, "Amen."  NC piped up and announced, "No Miss W, it is "in Jesus' name" Amen! She then bowed her head again and finished, "In Jesus name, A-MEN!"
     But what really rehabilitated my faith  was a seemingly "random" comment made by NC on a cold, blustery day. On this particular winter day I was actually very sad and feeling sorry for myself because I was not married nor had a family. (The usual hormonal feelings surfacing)! Part of the sadness was a fear I was experiencing that I would be left alone with no help when my parents die. I never vocalized these thoughts to anyone that day.  Anyway, "out of the blue," NC came over to me and whispered in my ear, "Miss W, don't worry God will make people for you so you won't be alone!" Then she toddled off and was gone!

Immediately I began to weep because I clearly knew this moment was a God-moment.  This moment was for me. God was reminding me that He is here, He is listening to me and He will never leave me alone. He WILL provide (and HAS provided) beautiful people along my journey who will care (and who have cared) for me so I won't be alone.  This moment also reminded me to come alongside and care for people in my life right now who appear to be alone so they won't be scared.

This precious angel, my snow angel, has a relationship with God that is so pure and special. She was in tune with God at that moment just when I needed a different perspective. I confidently believe God placed this precious child in my life for a reason. I am eternally grateful. I will pray for NC as she grows and matures into a young woman.  Praying she will continue, in love, to boldly speak truth into people's lives.

 I will never forget my beloved angel God sent to watch over me this year!

20-24 

"God made my life complete

when I placed all the pieces before him.

When I got my act together,

    he gave me a fresh start.

Now I’m alert to God’s ways;

    I don’t take God for granted.

Every day I review the ways he works;

    I try not to miss a trick.

I feel put back together,

    and I’m watching my step.

God rewrote the text of my life

    when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."

(Psalm 18: 20-24, The Message)

Light in the Shadows

I'm experiencing a minor crisis of faith at the minute. I'm not sure what is wrong. It could be this season of life or it could be the meds ( I have been sick for about a month thanks to the germs I ingest everyday at work from our wee kindergarten students)! Whatever is going on in my soul I am just plain tired. I do believe that at the core of my being, God is truth. However, I think I am just tired.  Tired of church. Tired of trying to sort through all my questions I have for God in the midst of so many horrible tragedies taking place in our world and in my own life. I am a person who likes to discuss the meaning of life and spiritual matters face to face with people who also like to discuss these things without judgement and with an open mind. But that circle of examination has dissipated and thus I have bottled up all my petitions inside and am now experiencing a bit of a crisis of faith! It feels good to sort through my thoughts in this forum even though it may not make sense to those reading this post! Part of me is angry at God -angry that He has not granted me the desires of my heart in spite of my faithful obedience. Angry that He doesn't seem to be listening to my prayers, although in my head I know He is. I wish I could be like some prayer warriors who faithfully pray daily, eagerly awaiting and trusting that God will answer their prayers even if it takes years. I thought I prayed with that boldness and fervour  but I suspect I lost a little of my faith somewhere along the path of my journey. I have found myself becoming a bit of a cynic which is something I never thought would happen! As I navigate through this season of my life, questioning the faith I have always known and clung to, I know I will come through the other side a bit scathed but hopefully stronger. Don't worry about me, I'm not ready to give up on Christianity just yet, I'm just rethinking my theology. In my Instagram photo below, the sun is casting shadows on the pure white, newly fallen snow.  Even in those shadows, the sun is offering hope-fresh, unblemished hope. Opportunity to restore faith that has waned to full strength again. For me, that light in the shadows is my promise from the One who created me in His image and accepts me unconditionally, even when I am experiencing a crisis of faith.

Fulfilling my duty as a Canadian citizen

Parliament Buildings, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

His words stopped me in my tracks and immediately made me feel sick to my stomach. This was real. I needed to take this matter seriously. 

Just over a year ago I received a questionnaire in the mail summoning me to fill out the information because my name was chosen to be considered for jury duty. By law I was compelled to proceed and mail in this questionnaire to the Attorney General. I didn't give it much thought until I received another summons in the mail in August.

This letter told me my name had been selected to potentially sit on a jury and I was to appear in court in October. I was actually sort of excited about this new adventure. Thankfully, my employers would still pay my salary if I was chosen to sit on the jury so I really had no worries. I was very interested to see how this process worked.  I imagined the case would be a "simple" one. I couldn't have been more wrong!

The day arrived and I showed up at court bumping into a former colleague of mine.  We made fast friends with other potential jurors and were enjoying our time in the waiting room.  We weighed the pros and cons of sitting on this jury should we be chosen. Finally the judge addressed all of us potential jurors  to explain how this process would work. I liked this judge.  First, he summoned into the court room those who had reasons for not serving on the jury. He was fair and compassionate. After this process was complete he began to explain the details of the case. It was at this point where I felt sick to my stomach. The "simple" case turned out to be a murder trial of a two year old child. I was in shock. Now I was torn. Part of me still wanted to see how our Canadian justice system worked yet I was scared to be chosen as I know I would see and hear horrendous details of this case.  

We were finally summoned to enter the court room. To my surprise, the accused was sitting with his lawyer front and centre. Another shock wave impacted my preparations for this duty-the most unnerving for me. I forgot that the accused is technically "innocent until proven guilty." I also didn't know that the accused has the right to help select the jurors for his case. My insides knotted even more as I looked the accused directly in the eye.I already had made up my mind he was guilty!  How could I be impartial if I was selected?

One by one, the court officer pulled jurors' numbers out of a drum and asked them to come to the front of the court room to stand before the judge, the lawyers and the accused. My name was never drawn. Relief filled my soul. However, I must admit I was disappointed. 

I followed the 6 week trial in the paper.  The accused was charged with first degree murder and two counts of assault. I am thankful our justice system did its job. I am thankful that little innocent boy 's family has some closure to this unspeakable tragedy. I am saddened to think this precious child's life was cut short by a senseless act.  I am thankful that I fulfilled my duty as a Canadian citizen so that precious, innocent boy 's voice was heard loud and clear. May he rest in peace and may his family find peace and hope again. 

Working Together + Mutual Respect+ Quality Singing+ An Important Cause+Humour= A Beautiful Gift Received

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to and contemplated the beautiful 

sounds being emitted from two very special people, husband and wife team 

October 2012
Regent Theatre
Oshawa, ON
Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida

Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida.  They performed in my hometown for a special cause sponsored by Ontario Shores Imagine Arts Festival, "Breaking the Stigma of Mental Illness."  I believe these musicians have an incredible gift, not only in their ability to write songs that reach the deepest part of our souls, but also in their cohesiveness as a husband and wife team. 

     I heard Chantal speak before about her experience with a loved one living through a mental illness at the Imagine Arts Festival a couple of years ago.  She was/is trying to help break the stigma associated with mental illness. Her interview was incredible. She was articulate, funny and honest. I was grateful for her candor as I have a loved one who struggles with a mental illness and was encouraged to know that I am not alone in this battle. 

     But what struck me the most at this October 2012 concert was Chantal's and Raine's interaction with each other. I LOVED how they worked together. They bantered back and forth in such a humourous, natural way. They had the utmost respect for one another as artists and spouses.  They were humble, honest, vulnerable, transparent and funny. And let's not forget both are incredible singer/songwriters!

      In addition, I LOVE their passion for justice. I remember reading an article or watching a TV show a while back( Oops, I forget the details!) about Chantal and Raine taking their children on a humanitarian trip to Africa I believe. (It could have been Central America! You'll have to excuse my memory loss! I'll blame it on my age!) I do remember the image of one of the natives holding the Maida's young child. You could clearly see the joy and love for this child on the face of this precious African.  I LOVED that the Maidas allowed their children to experience the love from this African community and they were not afraid to let these people hold and love on their children! 

    We received a beautiful gift this night from two beautiful human beings living out their passions. Thank you Chantal and Raine for allowing us the privilege of experiencing you in this incredible venue. I pray you continue to keep your marriage alive! Thank you for your transparency and thank you for sharing your talent. My life is richer!

   

Courage

What is the depth of your soul saying to you? Is it crying out for solace? Or is it at peace? You know that secret  place.  At the core of who you are. The real you. Masquerading as authenticity. The place nobody can touch.  Painful.  The place you want to ignore but it eventually finds you. Necessary to go there in order to find freedom. Freedom. Relief. Sweet relief. Soothing salve. What is the depth of your soul saying to you? Be honest. Risk. Listen. Freedom, peace, transparency and credibility await. You are courage.

State of our Youth

Robot, Grade 8 Science Project, May 2012

In all my years of working with teenagers, I have never been more concerned as I am now. Don't get me wrong, I am not a hater of teenagers.  They have been my passion for years and my career has been centered around these fine human beings. But I just don't like the trend I see happening!

I know part of the development of adolescents is their strive towards independence and thus exerting a sense of entitlement. However, the sense of entitlement I see around me now is ridiculous, for lack of a better word! The majority of teenagers I connect with on a daily basis have no sense of the concept of looking out for the interest of others, especially adults.They are extremely self absorbed.

 I think one of the reasons could be my generation is overcompensating for the mantra voiced by our parents, "children are to be seen and not heard."  I feel this generation has been given too much of a voice. There needs to be a better balance.

 Teenagers today have nothing to look forward to in adulthood. They are receiving every privilege and technological gadget now instead of gradually incorporating these into their lives. I believe teenagers think we are all on the same peer level thus they should be entitled to the same privileges as adults.  They are not mature enough to handle some adult things, in my opinion.

In addition, they have no concept of exhibiting good old fashioned  manners towards others, including adults. Some of you reading this post may disagree with me and that is okay. But, this trend I see happening upsets me and makes me very sad. I wonder how this generation will evolve. They will be the ones looking after us in the nursing homes! What will that look like?

One area that is very disconcerting for me is their apathy towards learning and our education system. I see this apathy on a daily basis in my job. We are basically bribing kids to learn and do their homework. If they don't feel like doing work then they won't budge. They have a lack of interest in learning. Of course I must stress again I am generalizing here. But it is something I see more frequently than in the past generations of teenagers I had the privilege of working with. There is no motivation to work. Many have no motivation to get jobs or earn their own money (I know in our economy right now it is difficult to find jobs). Of course I can guess the reasons why this trend is happening but what will this look like in the future?

How do we reach them? How do we connect with them? How will they connect with others? Is growing up with technology/social networking causing them to lose the ability to communicate in person with each other? Are they losing the ability to think for themselves and problem solve? What will their spiritual journey look like?

Once again, I stress I am not a hater of teenagers. I still love working with this fine group. There are many things I love about this generation. I love their honesty. It is refreshing.  I always know where I stand on any issue! I respect teenagers and thus do receive respect in return.   I am constantly learning.  Anytime I have a computer/cell phone/social network question, I just have to turn to them and they have solved my problem! I love their fearless creativity and individuality. I love their lack of spiritual hypocrisy.  I love their acceptance of every human being. I love their open dialogue about spiritual matters.

However, I have to ask myself, is my generation to blame for these wandering souls who seem lost and in need of more clear direction in their life journey? Have we responsibly offered this generation a better world for their future?